Thursday, April 22, 2010

A new day....

I woke up this morning, and could barely lift my head. It felt like a ton of bricks, and was pounding so bad. The only way to really explain it, is it felt like a really bad hangover!! I wish it were that simple. I thought for a minute, that yesterday was all a bad dream, and I was waking up to a new day, similiar to the ones in the past. Then I realized, it wasn't a bad dream, and that I'd never have a day like I did in the past, again. Everything is different now.

I waited for hours last night, for an update on Gram. Something to ease my mind, that either, by some miracle, she was doing better, or that she had made it home to heaven to be with my mom again. My phone didn't ring. It didn't vibrate....nothing. I looked at it countless times this morning, thinking maybe I had missed the call, but I hadn't. I texted my sister to check on her. She's been with Gram through all this, and I'm worried about her.

My sister is a very strong woman. She's been through so much in her life, however knowing that she is going through this, alone, breaks my heart. My family is there with her, but, I know, she's dealing with all of this in her own way. Much like myself, she never asks for help, and even when offered, she has a VERY hard time accepting it. I just worry about her.

She said that this morning had been really rough. Gram isn't in any pain, and she's still making that journey home. I don't know how long it will take for her to reach her destination, but I know that when she does, she will be where she is free from pain, and sadness.

I feel helpless/useless right now. I wish there was some way I could help my family through this. I know how horrible I feel right now, I can't imagine what they must feel, watching all of this. I wish I could do something, anything!!! My pain seems so trivial, compared to what they are going through. Death, sucks!!!

I will continue to pray. For both my Gramma, and my family. I guess, that's all I can do right now.

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